OK, before I set off on one of my tangents, let me say that this is spewing from the aftermath of what I considered to be one of the most negative and discouraging talks on marriage I have ever heard, followed immediately by one of the most whiny devotionals on motherhood I have ever read. So, ignore me, bear with me, or take it all in. Whichever you prefer.
I do enjoy a good devotional and/or blog post that encourages me to be the best mom/wife/teacher (when I go back to work) that I can possibly be, because I believe with everything I am that God has called me to be all three of those things.
I just wish I found them to be more of an encouragement than the works of someone who is bitter and complaining about having a family.
Here's the general message I get from most of the "Mom encouragers" that I receive in my inbox or read in devotional books:
"We understand what it's like to be a mom. Oh, laundry is so horrible! It's the most awful thing in the world to do dishes! If I have to change one more diaper, I'll put my head through a wall! I can't stand to get out of bed in the morning, so I haven't showered in a week and I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth or hair! It's such a miserable chore to be with my husband, especially since he's so incompetent and can't read my mind or do anything right - ever! Woe is me, the suffering mom! I know you feel the same way, but SMILE!! That's Jesus's butt you're wiping every time you change a diaper. Be thankful that your life is horrible! God wouldn't have it any other way."
Um...really?
Do you really think you're writing something I can relate to, just because we've both given birth?
Because, seriously, it's not that bad.
Do I need a break? Yes. Do I get tired of the monotony of loading the dishwasher and making sandwiches? Sure.
But, would I feel any differently about chores if I were single and childless? Nope. And, having been single and childless for the first thirty-one years of my life, I can say that from experience. I had to wash clothes even when it was just me and my dog. I didn't have the luxury of a dishwasher in my little apartment, so I did them by hand. I may not have been changing diapers, but I did take out the dog and pick up her poop. I know it's not the same thing, but they're still mindless chores that we can't escape - whether we have kids or not. Your dirty floors and dusty windowsills didn't just materialize when you got married and had children. It's not motherhood that's making you have to clean up after yourself. It's called not being a lazy bum.
Just thank God for the blessing of actually having clothes to put away and a floor to mop.
Of course I have days when I completely understand why women in the 1940's were prescribed (and addicted to) Valium. I'd never take it that far, but there are days - many, in fact - when I am just itching to go back to work. It has nothing to do with being a mom. It has to do with the fact that when I decided to take a hiatus from teaching to hang out with my babies, I had been working for literally half my life. It's difficult to go from engaging in a career you really, really love, to staying home and trying to fill the hours with meaningful activities. That, too, would be true whether or not I had children. It's not motherhood that makes me want to go back to work. It's called a desire for intellectual stimulation. Besides, I like talking about books all day. Except Lord of the Flies. Still hate that one.
I'm not going to lie to you. I will spend the next four to five years getting irritated with the tiny humans I have created and how they interrupt me every time I try to talk to DWH, and I will long for some only-child time. (If you are an only child, you understand why this is vital to everyone's well-being.) Then, there will be something else to irritate me. It's just a minor irritation, not the end of the world. But, would I rather have the alternative? What in the world would I do without my Sweet Pea and Buddy? If you ask me, not having them at all would be a lot more miserable than cleaning up their vomit.
OK, here's the big one. For those of you who can totally relate to the kinds of posts and devotionals described here, this may come as a bit of a shock. Are you ready?
My husband is not stupid.
Get the smelling salts, recover a little bit, and I'll continue.
He's not. He's actually a very intelligent man. He is not a bumbling idiot who is too dumb to understand how the dishwasher works. It actually annoys me when women portray their husbands in that way. Don't make your husband look like a moron to other people - especially your kids. Unless, of course, your husband is a moron, in which case, to quote my great-grandmother, "I don't believe I'd have told that."
As for my husband, he enjoys spending time with his children, and is a fantastic father. We're a good team. Yes, I said TEAM. This isn't a boss/employee relationship. He doesn't feel that my needs should be placed on the back burner to accommodate his. We're in this together.
Speaking of your husband, or of men in general, as if they are total idiots who can't breathe unless their wives tell them the correct way to do it, does not endear me to your devotional or your blog post. It just makes you look mean-spirited and petty.
Look, it's hard enough with all the moms out there who think their way is the only correct way, bashing anyone who does it differently. Do we really need to beat ourselves up and make our lives seem worse than they are?
Really, is it that bad?
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