Don't worry. This isn't going to be one of those self-righteous, "
I'm holier than you because at Christmas, my children are ONLY allowed to talk about Jesus, and I don't care if they're just kids, they won't go to heaven if they have age-appropriate fun, nanny-nanny-boo-boo," posts. But, if you know me, you probably knew that.
We don't do the whole Elf On the Shelf thing. I have my reasons. If you're interested, here they are:
1. I spend
weeks singing to my kids about how Santa can see them when they're sleeping, he knows when they're awake, and he knows if they've been bad or good. They know they're supposed to hang their stockings and say their prayers. So, if Santa is all-knowing and all-seeing, why the heck does he need this creepy doll to be his informant? Why is this elf trying to usurp Santa's power? And, furthermore, why is he such a tattletale? If I'm going to tell Sweet Pea that tattling on her brother will earn her a spot on the naughty list, how can I explain to her that we brought this stupid, plastic elf into the house to keep an eye on her and then go blabbing to Santa when she steps out of line?
2. I don't have the energy or the time to keep cleaning up after this little piss ant elf every time "he" messes up my house. I can barely keep up with the kids' messes, as it is. The last thing I want is to add more work to my load, especially at 8 months pregnant.
3. As I mentioned before, it's creepy. Don't think so? That's because you didn't grow up with my mother. Let me explain. My mother let me watch horror movies when I was a child. Oh, I don't mean she stood behind me with a cattle prod and ordered me to keep my eyes glued to what Michael Myers was doing or anything. But, she has a rather...
odd sense of humor and apparently found it amusing to tell me that
Jaws was about a little fishy and
The Exorcist was about a little girl and a priest. Also, most of her bookshelves we lined with Stephen King novels and books by Ann Rule (true crime, mostly murders, I think. But, hey, I saw her reading, which made me a reader! Thanks, Mom!) Don't judge her; when I got scared, she either turned it off or sent me out of the room. Still, this explains why the idea of a doll with roaming eyes sitting on my mantel watching my every move, is just a little unsettling.
4. I've lost count of the number of friends who started the tradition thinking it would be cute and fun, but then dread seeing the freakish imp come out of the box every Christmas season. From what I understand, unless you have all the time in the world to invent new things do the elf to "do," and the world's best mama memory so that you don't forget to put move it, this poppet can be a real pain in the, uh, neck. And, don't get me started on those Pinterest moms who have a list of 3,762 Elf On the Shelf activities. What the heck do they do all day?? Where are their children? Who does their dishes? When do they have time to make inane lists like this??
5. OK, here's where I'll bring up the Jesus thing. I already have a fun countdown to Christmas that I do with my kids. It's called Advent. Maybe I'm just not one of those moms who feels as if she has to latch on to every trendy, jingle-belly thing that everyone else is doing, just to cram as many Christmas traditions into 25 days as I possibly can. I've never been much of a trend-follower, anyway. Yes, we do fun activities and we do have traditions for this season. But, seriously, mama. Relax. Breathe. Anticipate. For us, it's a lot more fun and a lot less pressure that way, and we're pretty sure no one is going to be scarred for life because they didn't have a weirdo doll to invade their house every year, even if all their friends did.
